I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
