there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we're making bets on your personal life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
