They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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