I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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