just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
