no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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