So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
