No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can text with my tongue
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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