I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
one two three fourrrrnication!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
