I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
