so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
