so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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