i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
