I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
