We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
