Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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