Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
