Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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