Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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