Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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