He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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