He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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