She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
don't judge my taste in strippers
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
