On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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