this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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