Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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