Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
