Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
