my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
