I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
