wanna go halves on a baby?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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