was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Found the puke drawer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I think I just sharted jello shots
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