All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
