Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
