I looked at my own cervix.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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