it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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