It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
