Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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