Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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