I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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