Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
