3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
