Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
