What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
