I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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