but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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