Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
