When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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