yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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