Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
