I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
