Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize