I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
