After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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