Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
