dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
