dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
