everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
