I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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