don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
