Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
