he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
