the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
