Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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