We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
