on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
