what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
