i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
