Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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