mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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