Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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