I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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